Thursday, January 1, 2015

TEN PREDICTIONS FOR 2015

A CRYSTAL BALL WITH A FEW CRACKS
1. In an act of retribution emails between Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman will be leaked revealing a tryst of tender love causing both men to take their own lives in a Romeo and Juliet scenario. The email leak will backfire and Kim and Dennis will become folk heroes, as North Korea in an act of remembrance will open its boundaries becoming the new destination of peace and love in the world.
2. Fortunately the hairstyle made popular by Kim Jong Un will end as the world's male population comes to its senses after it is revealed that the North Korean leader had been altering the collective mind's of men all over the world with an undetectable mist delivered via aerosol deodorants.
This was a hairstyle even Brad Pitt couldn't carry off.
3. Sugar will be found to be the next miracle dietary supplement at a research facility outside London and written up in the New England Journal of Medicine.  This new finding will allow me to have my Starbucks Frappuccino for breakfast, a red velvet cupcake from Magnolia Bakery for lunch and a turtle sundae piled high with caramel and hot fudge for dinner. The toothless photo of the scientists responsible for this study will have mysteriously disappeared.
4. Aaron Rodgers will unintentionally back step on Ndamukong Suh's left hand during the final celebration of the Packers 56 to 3 routing of the Lions in the NFC championship game causing Ndamukong to lose his middle finger during a botched surgical procedure ending his professional football career.
5. Pope Francis will decree the word for 2015 to be "passion" and everyone will be divinely given the path to finding theirs.
6. A new strain of Alzheimer's will appear leaving its victims with the brain capacity of a toddler thereby making them unaware of death and allowing them to pass away without the slightest worry of an afterlife.
7. It will be revealed that Anthony Weiner has been trading selfies with Paul Ryan for years verifying a bromance that has been rumored around Washington gyms and on the XP90 circuit
8. The new online dating site, "Pimp your Pet", will have over five million humans signing up in the first 48 hours.  After a week's time the site will abruptly be taken down as pictures of pig bondage and interspecies sex outrage the religious right.
9. Fox News will add
the WWF to its evening news primetime lineup reporting from ringside.
Greta Van Susteren will be doing the blow by blow. They will try to arrange a match between Barrack Husain Obama and former Staten Island congressman, Michael Grimm, in an effort to once and for all throw the Democrats off the balcony.
Unfortunately, failure will follow them as Hillary will throw her hat in the ring and provide all of us with a newly sewn safety net.
10. The world will discover that all of us are more alike than different. The world's spiritual and political leaders will come together and call an actual truce where every gun is relinquished, every bomb is defused, and children can now play without fear.

THE GALLERY
John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Bed In for Peace, 1969
Ivor Sharpe, photographer
Located at the J. Willard Marriott Library, University of Utah

 2015 MANTRA
Don't look back you're not going in that direction

2 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Rick thought we shouldn't do anything political or religious. I said it's New Years and you're allowed to do anything you want for one day a year. Happy New Year.

      Delete