CHRISTMAS OUTDOOR LIGHTS

A RESCUE OPERATION

When it comes to anything outside the house other than gardening the task normally falls into my lap. The gutters need to be cleaned - Lee does it. The garbage needs to go out - Lee does it. The outdoor furniture needs to be brought in - Lee does it. Now I'm not trying to claim the mantel of martyr, Rick plans out all the planting. He buys all the perennials and annuals but I've definitely been "Ricked" on more than one occasion when it comes to digging the holes and stuffing the seeds and plants into the ground.

Editor's Note:
Just a question for the author - who does all that stuff when Lee is ny NYC?  Asking for a friend.

This year the hanging of the Christmas lights came at a time when I was locked into New York and Rick was on sabbatical in Madison. He volunteered to design and engineer this year's display. He began with a search for new lights online. He found a site with what he thought was a tremendous deal on mini-LEDs. If he bought a dozen he'd automatically qualify for two-dozen more for FREE! Nothing is ever free.  He really tried his best but even if they had included another hundred of these battery operated strands it wouldn't have been enough. He called me in New York totally frustrated pleading for me to come up with a solution to pull our house from pathetic to impressive. I didn't know how I could rescue him from over a thousand miles away without even a picture of what he was up against. I told him not to worry. I was sure it couldn't be as bad as he thought it was. Kindness has its limits.
I wasn't going to be back in Wisconsin for another three days so whatever look he had created was going to have to suffice until I got back. I tried to tell him if he thought it was dreadful he should just not turn them on but he had already wired them to a timer so in his words the shame of inadequacy was going to have to remain as a badge of design failure until my return. I tried to bolster his confidence by telling him he at least he had not resorted to those blowup Christmas characters that rise with the impending darkness of a winter evening and then deflate into a puddle of plastic during the day. It calmed him to know that indeed there were worse displays and he wasn't going to be in last place no matter how bad the house looked
When I did get back to Wisconsin and once evening turned nature's lights off I was immediately aware of his pain and shame. His gallant attempt at holiday decorating didn't achieve the Martha Stewart stamp of over achievement he normally creates. Unfortunately he had sunk miserably short of a design blue ribbon and into the category of stink, stank, stunk.

It was time to hunker into the crawl space and root through the boxes of additional decorations to see what was left and usable. I found several strands of the standard little white lights that we could daisy chain together to beef up the wattage of what Rick had valiantly already strung along the railings, posts and trellis in the front yard. Now that the holiday was swiftly approaching its climax of Christmas Eve most stores had put their remaining holiday decorations on a fifty-percent off sale. I bought a few more lights, two wicker baskets and some red plastic outdoor balls impervious to breakage and completely non-biodegradable. Sorry, I was desperate.
I pulled together the baskets and the red balls along with the wicker balls Rick had bought. In minutes I had an instant set of focal points for the front porch.

I pulled out the wreath we had used for several years and hooked it up on the rose trellis between the front bedroom windows before I left. This weathered wreath stayed where Rick had left it.
Next I took the little white lights I found in the crawl space and wove them in between and over the birch limbs Rick had stuck into the galvanized pots along the side of the entry. Along with the little battery operated bug lights Rick had ordered at discount online this beefed up the trellis. We then hung the plastic red ornaments on velvet ribbons on the birch branches, connected them to the power source and timer, we were almost done.

The last thing was to stick a spotlight into the unfrozen ground and aim it toward the double front doors. Mission accomplished. All we needed was the snow

Addendum: Just prior to taking the decorations down on the beginning of the new year we did get enough of dusting to make the decorations complete. We only wish that as we approach February some of our neighbors might consider it's time to deflate vinyl Santa and roll him up before they start bringing out the Easter bunny.